Leave your weapons at the door
by mountedcombat
Summary: A silly little one-shot about a guy with far, far too many weapons.


"Leave your weapons at the door."

"All of them?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure? I'll be late for my meeting."

"Nice try. The next meeting isn't for an hour."

"I know! I'm a bit of a collector, okay?"

"Just leave your weapons…"

"Fine, fine…"

Today had been just as dull as every other for Timothy, guard at the local meeting hall. Emphasis on "had". His mind is quickly taken off of the boredom by the sheer quantity of weapons the man in front of him was quietly toting around.

First, the man pulls the end of his cane, revealing it to conceal a sword. The cane is then placed in the weapons bucket.

After that he sets down his backpack.

Next, he pulls off his cloak, revealing one of the commonplace "explorer's outfits", renowned for their many convenient pockets. His set had clearly been modified to have at least twice as many. He also has scarves around his neck, hanging off of his shoulders, and wrapped around his upper and lower parts of his arms.

He starts off by going through the eight plainly visible pockets on the cloak, pulling a knife out of each and placing them in the bucket. He then accesses an additional six concealed pockets, pulling knives out of each of those as well. The cloak is then set aside to be re-donned later.

After that, he takes off his scarf and sets it in the weapons bucket, revealing another scarf underneath.

Next up are the three bandoliers. A total of twenty-two pockets, all full of knives, with sixteen more pockets with knives literally tacked onto the inside edges of two and a dagger strapped to the inside of the third. The satchel attached to one has three little bundles of rope, most likely some other type of weapon, in it. The bandoliers are set aside.

After that, he goes through the pockets on the vest, twelve on the front, six along the sides, and six placed seemingly inconveniently on the back, although he gets into them easily enough, pulling a knife out of each. The vest is set aside.

This is followed by him reaching into four of the seams on his shirt, pulling out yet more knives.

At this point he pauses as if realizing he'd forgotten something before pulling up his sleeves revealing a tube and a sheath strapped onto each wrist. One sheath is shown to contain crossbow bolts, the other is shown to contain a dagger.

Timothy's starting to realize why the man was worried about being late.

After disarming himself of the tube things and wrist sheathes, the man continues going through his shirt. Another two seams are accessed, along with three pockets hidden inside the shirt.

The belt's plentiful pouches are revealed to contain a sling, two bags of bullets, two bolas, and an odd chain-claw thing. Then the belt itself is revealed to be a braided whip.

His pants have four quivers of crossbow bolts and another fourteen knives.

Finally, the boots. Along with the six knives on the rim, there are blades hidden in the soles that deploy out the toes when activated.

The man picks his backpack back up. "May I go in now?"

Timothy Sighs. "I know it won't make a significant difference in how armed you are, but please empty the backpack."

The man jerks, then sighs and dumps the backpack into the weapons bucket. four larger daggers, a short sword, and some sort of bamboo bundle with a claw-looking shape on the end come out of the main pocket, and a knife comes out of each of the ten side pockets.

"And disassemble that frame."

The man glares at Timothy, then pulls the frame apart into two pairs of tonfas and three batons. And each of the batons are revealed to contain two needle-like daggers.

"And I'm assuming those scarves are full of knives."

"The ones on my arms and shoulders are. The one around my neck is just for style."

"Uh-huh. Just leave them all in the bucket. You really will be late if you don't just start leaving the detachable parts of your wardrobe in the bucket."

"Good point."

The seven scarves are taken off and set in the bucket.

"I trust the bandoliers are empty, but please leave everything else but your shirt and trousers."

"It's cold, and that would leave me barefoot!"

"The rooms have fireplaces already started. Just claim the closest seat. As for your footwear problem, that was just bad planning on your part. You didn't have to reveal the blades in the soles, I would have looked them over and believed them to be regular boots."

"Good point."

The man dumps all of the clothing he had taken off in the bucket. And then it all falls off the pile which had by then risen out of the top of the thing.

Timothy sighs. "I'll get another bucket and put them in there. You just get to your meeting."

The man walks off, "All right, see ya later."

Timothy gets another bucket and sets the man's clothes, along with the weapons that had fallen out of the first bucket, into it. "He probably keeps knives in his socks, doesn't he? I hope he doesn't kill everybody at his meeting."

::::::::::::::::

 **A/N: One of the few things bouncing around in my head that I felt could be considered "complete" after only one chapter, so I got it written up.**

 **For those of you who are wondering: His weapon collection consists of: A cane sword, a bladed scarf, six daggers, three rope-slings, two heavy wrist-launchers, two wrist-sheathes, a sling, two bolas, a flying talon, a whip, two bladed boots, a short sword, a collapsible kumade, four tonfas, three lungchuan tamo (hidden blades), 45 crossbow bolts, 20 sling bullets, and a whopping 210 knives, including switchblade, spring blade, war razor, and kerambit variants. No, the guard did not get them all. Not by a long shot.**

 **You may have noticed he doesn't wear armor. The knives are also his armor. You try stabbing somebody with 210 knives concealed on their body. You're going to hit one of the knives.**


End file.
